It's Back!

WHAT UP loyal readers!?!? You all still there? No? Good. Sorry for the radio silence for the last 3 years.

I'm bringing back the Six Foot Lobster. A lot in my life has changed in the past two years, and it's useful to me to share my thoughts and feelings. Particularly since they're changing so rapidly. So if anyone is out there, you're about to get more than you bargained for.

In order to "get" the rest of my entries, you'll need to understand a few things:

I lost my faith that the LDS church is the one true church around April of 2013. That decision or realization, depending on your perspective, has had far reaching impacts in my life and the lives of my loved ones. For everyone, including myself, it brought despair, sadness, depression, confusion, worry, and grief - then optimism, curiosity, discovery, and acceptance. My entire worldview had been pulled out from under me, and I didn't have the tools to build a new one. For the last year and half I've been putting the pieces back together, and I'm still sorting things out. It's been wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time, and I want to share that with you all (hopefully no one, since no one reads this).

It took a while but eventually I settled in pretty nicely with a set of thoughts or beliefs, up until about a month ago, when I became more contemplative about spiritual things. It's partially for that reason that I want to share the story of how someone can go from full tilt believing member - to disaffected - to devour-er of historical and apologetic information - to comfortably settled atheist - to cautious skeptic - all in about a year and a half.

There are many things I hope to explore through this blog:

The impact on my family has been difficult, but rewarding at the same time. I want to sort out what this journey has been like, and where I hope to see us heading.

I've become much more thoughtful about my place in the universe, and I want an outlet for those thoughts and feelings.

I've cultivated a new appreciation for the diversity of the world - I want to share what that means to me and why it's important.

I've become a sort of lame amateur theologian. Without a pre-supplied framework for considering God and other spiritual things, I've been stuck in my head creating my own concepts and ideas. I'd like to share those.

I now feel comfortable expressing my opinion on a number of social issues that I never felt comfortable talking about before. Not that anyone should care what I have to say, but now I can say it and not feel bad about it!

I want to pat myself on the back from time to time for living authentically. It's a hard thing to do sometimes, and it's been exhilarating to understand myself in new and exciting ways.

Lastly, I still am and will forever be a Mormon. Feels like a contradiction, right? I interface with the LDS Church almost constantly in my life, yet don't currently espouse a belief in the fundamental truth claims. Aren't you all curious how an apostate navigates that?! I mean, my kids are going to turn 8 someday... what happens then??!?! I want to sort out how I approach all of this and share an alternative perspective on what it means to be a Mormon.

Well, I hope there's no one out there actually reading any of this. If you're there, you have my pity. Take care everybody!

Freshly Squeezed

Got a 92 on my tennis final today. Chyea, that's right. 92. Today was the last day of class and I'm sad it's over. There's one kid in our class who was extremely legit, and we nicknamed him Bryce the Shark. He won everything, all year long, he was the champ. There was a girl named Annie who thought it was funny to grunt real loud like a pro when she hit. J.T. was a big guy who was never quite able to get all his game going, and genuinely underperformed. There was another kid, whose name I forget, who was the classic villan. He would always hit these lame short slice forehands, and hit sizzling winners against girls, and use cheap shots to win. He even had a mega grizzly scar on his face to add to the image. We had a couple of lefty's, a couple of doubles enthusiasts, and a couple of others that may have found true love at some point. You kind of start to notice when a guy and a girl pair off frequently to warm up together. Oooh la la.

Bryce the Shark and I

Anyway, at the end of class it was starting to don on me that this was it. Tennis was over. Adios amigos. So, in the middle of our last game of 'around the world', I felt like it was appropriate to sing a classic parting song:

Graduation by Vitamin C

I got all the way to "As our lives change, from whatever, we will still be, friends forever" before anyone realized what was going on. It got a good laugh out of a few people.

It's not exactly God be with you till we meet again, but it's pretty close.

Intermediate Tennis, It's been real

I have it soooooooo good.

Loneliness.

Loneliness is one of the most painful emotions. I'm not sure anything really compares to it. There is nothing quite as awful as feeling completely and utterly alone. People need to share commonalities, express hopes, dreams, fears to one another. People long to be understood. We all want someone to confide in, or at least someone to listen. No one wants to be alone. No one wants to exist singly.

And that's why I have it sooooooooo good. I have Nicole.

I get to come home everyday to someone else. I get to talk, make dinner, eat dinner, clean up dinner, do homework, read, get ready for bed, brush my teeth, read scriptures, pray, sleep, wake up, make breakfast, make lunch, pray, and send off to work all with someone else. If someone cuts Nicole off on her drive home and it really bugged her, she has someone to vent to. If I got a good grade on a test, I have someone to celebrate with. If she has an exciting idea for a new project, she gets to share it with me. I get to pick up her socks, she gets to wake me up in the morning. I get to live two lives in essence. Her successes are mine, my failures are hers. I get everything that my own life has to offer, and I get hers as well.

I have it so good.

This all comes from just getting home from tennis. I just got a new racket and really wanted to test it out and I was gone for almost 2 hours with Bridger at the BYU courts. When I got home Nicole was already asleep. I walked in and she started to wake and sleepily asked, "How was the new racket?" As eager as I was to tell her all about it, I replied "it was great." and let her drift back off to sleep. What impressed me though was that even though she was half asleep, she knew I was excited about it, and so she wanted to share in my excitement. Before I left she sat there and complimented my tape job as I put on the overgrip, telling me it looked "legit". It's just a stupid little racket, but it meant something to me, and so it meant something to her.

This is what marriage is all about. Heck, this is what life is all about. I will never experience loneliness. Ever. In it's place I have companionship, friendship, and love. If tragedy were to strike, I would still have her. Being married by the Priesthood in the Temple means that Nicole will be my wife for eternity, and it is the single greatest source of hope, happiness, and motivation in my life. I have no fear of loneliness, because I have the promises of eternity. I get to move confidently throughout life with the love of my life by my side.

That's why I have it so good.

REACT TO THIS!

Thinking about "Reactions"

What does it mean to react? Something has to happen. I guess something doesn't necessarily have to happen, the important part is something has to be observed. You can't react to something that you don't observe... vacuously true. Reactions in that sense drive our existence. I've heard it said that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it... and I'm thinking life is 100% how you react. The decision to act is in essence a reaction. Even an action that I would assume to be "out of the blue" has it's roots in an observation of some kind. No one does anything "out of the blue", that doesn't make sense.

A person can choose not to react in only one way, and that is to choose not to observe. I had no reaction to the cracks in the sidewalk today - I chose not to observe them. I did however react to the snow on the mountain, a result of observation. A reaction is not an instantaneous event according to my definition. My "reaction" to the snow came several minutes after observing. At first I thought - that sucks. Then I thought - I do enjoy the rain down here though, it reminds me of home. Then I thought - Oh no, the leaves in the mountains will fall off the trees because they're weighed down by the snow and now Nicole and I won't get to enjoy them as we had planned. Then I thought - well it just means we're moving along in the year, and soon Nicole will be done with her internship. Etc,. My final reaction to the snow was that I'm glad it reminded me of the Pacific Northwest, enjoying the rain, feeling refreshed, and optimistic about the future.

But what about "gut" reactions? They aren't made in the same way, so why should life be in some sense defined by these as well? I argue that a gut reaction is a second, third, nth iteration of a prior reaction. We've made a reaction with respect to something similar before, and thus are able to react more quickly. I think this is why people may "freeze" up in tense or unique situations; they have either not been presented with a similar observation, or have chosen not to observe a similar situation. If they had observed a similar situation, they would have reacted. This is not to say that they haven't been presented with opportunities to observe, like I said, people need to actively observe in order to react appropriately.

That's why being an active observer is such an important part of life. Life is all about forming the right set of reactions to observations, developing a healthy habit of considering what we observe. The best part is that reactions are truly an individual choice, and that reactions directly influence happiness. By my logic we can (after careful consideration and active observation) actually choose happiness. Sure, observations can and should lead us to feel sorrow, loss, depression, anger, and confusion. Understanding these allow us to empathize. But, we can always extend the reaction and choose to right wrongs, lift those who are depressed, seek help for our downtrodden feelings, and ultimately choose progress and happiness.

Thinking this way gives me hope to overcome any set of misfortune I should observe or experience, especially since I have a firm conviction in the observation of Gospel Truth. That added observation gives me access to a set of reactions that aren't inherently obvious. Take death for example. An immediate reaction is grief - and how appropriate a reaction it is! The reaction is extended upon careful consideration of the Truth of resurrection, and ultimately I can choose to react in a positive way and exercise patience and hope. This method of observation, consideration, extension from negative to positive, and ultimately choosing to react in an uplifting way has been a huge blessing in my life. And is utterly impossible in some situations without Gospel Knowledge.

What's an education for?

Back in the olden days, academics consisted of three disciplines: Medicine, Law, and Philosophy. If you were a mathematician, you were focused on the philosophy of Mathematics. Hence the title PhD., Doctor of Philosophy. And Philosophy encompassed the Seven Liberal Arts. Originally, the Liberal Arts were :

1. Grammar

2. Logic

3. Rhetoric

4. Arithmetic

5.Astronomy

6. Music

7. Geometry.

These seven areas of study were necessary in order to make one "free", or liberal. The way an education was viewed was not in terms of vocational or economic worth, but in the intrinsic value of knowledge so as to liberate an individual. Instead of a bachelors degree being pre-requisite to being considered employable, it was an elective decision in search for intellectual freedom. Instead of a stepping stone on the way to professional pursuits, it was a diversion from the material world and a conscious dedication to formation of intellect. Instead of a necessity for temporal success, it was a necessity for individual progress. Today it's "I have to go to college to get a good job." When the original intent would be more like, "I have to go to college, I just can't handle not taking 4 years out of my life to dedicate to learning for the purpose of learning."

That's what universities were intended to be, and that's what universities should be. If learning is only useful inasmuch as it prepares for a profession, then why does BYU have a religion department? There is danger in collapsing the objectives of a four year university down into technical ability and memorization. Technical and vocational institutions exist for just that reason. They prepare a portion of the population directly for employment and production without the university experience of the liberal arts. This is needful, useful, and helpful for both individuals and society.

My qualm is with the necessity of a bachelors for employment. A bachelors degree is an incredibly imperfect indicator of ones employability and professional potential. It was intended to be an indicator of an understanding of the liberal arts with a focus on one or more in particular. Do I need a bachelors degree to be a writer? Do I need a bachelors degree to be a Nurse? Do I need a bachelors degree to be an Accountant? Do I need a bachelors degree to sell or create advertising? To me the answer to all these is a resounding No.

I understand I'm not breaking any new ground here.

There should be technical training for accountants, nurses, and other specialty skill based professions. Those who have a knack for advertising should advertise. Those who sleep with a pen in their hand at night should write. And those who can't go through life without the liberation of intellectual pursuit and education should go to college.

For Daniel

You know what......

shoot.

Today I wore a purple Armani shirt to work today and felt great about it. The fit through the arms and shoulders, the ability to stay tucked in.... mmm. Felt like Pharrell circa 2006.

In other news, Hersey Hawkins and Bo Jackson were caught laundering money from a Joann Fabrics in Flint Michigan over the weekend. Sources say they were using the store as a front for their underground cocaine trafficking network. Rumors have it they supply Macaulay Culkin, Johnny Depp, Gloria Pritchard, and Nicholas Cage on a regular basis.

Love

the 5th post

This is my 5th post. Check it out for all to see.

Here is your quote of the day

"A life lived in fear, is a life half lived"
~Strictly Ballroom

There you have it! I have a final Monday Morning at 7:00am. Someone kill me with a glue gun.