Also, I'm the second counselor in the Elders Quorum Presidency. Granted, I only informed the Bishop about my disbelief after I was called and set apart, but he still felt it fine to leave me in. Our President has been through a faith crisis of sorts - he's half black and doesn't hold Brigham Young in the highest esteem. The First Counselor is a stay at home dad whose wife is a full time student. Our secretary went through several bouts with the God of the Old Testament for his infanticide, genocide, incest, slavery, concubinage, and racism, eventually using non-correlated materials to deconstruct and reconstruct an interpretation of that God that he can worship. We were a motley bunch. I'm proud to have been a part of this group of leaders.
Given our interesting makeup, we decided to use our first Sunday lessons to present a series of discussion topics titled "Tools For a Robust View of Mormonism". I'll give you a hint as to what that doesn't mean.
The foundational lesson was taught by our secretary, a man literate in biblical Hebrew and current PhD. student at UW. The content was designed to present a framework for approaching multiple paradigms for interacting with Mormonism. The idea was not to slam the quorum with controversial topics, but to merely lay the groundwork that even within our quorum there are myriad ways of interpreting what it means to be "Mormon".
The basic outline borrowed James Fowlers Stages of Faith framework, focusing on stages 3,4, and 5. I'll sum it up very quickly so you don't have to read the whole article yourself, though it's not a bad idea. Let me preface this with saying that while Fowler noted that people often progress linearly through the stages, you shouldn't interpret stage 4 as being superior to stage 3, or 5 to 4, or anything like that. You also shouldn't assume that any one stage is intrinsically "better" than any other. Okay, read on!
Stage 3 could be stereotyped as a "True Believing Member" or TBM as many online forums tend to abbreviate - often derisively, but not always. Scriptures are interpreted more or less literally, there is a clear and absolute moral right and wrong. Leaders and prophets are more or less infallible: Joseph Smith may have kicked his dog or lost his temper, but polygamy and other touchy subjects were definitely divinely mandated. Stage 3 individuals might say things like "The Gospel is so simple" or "It's just obvious the church is true."
Stage 4 is marked by a recoil from a stage 3 mentality. These people begin to put trust in other sources like the scientific method, logic, or reasoning. They reject the stories in scripture as literal. Often stage 4 individuals feel deeply conflicted with respect to their previous faith. Raise you're hand if you're a stage 4!
Stage 5 individuals recognize the limitations of both logic/reason and spirituality. They use the religious traditions and stories as doorways to meaning and not meaningful solely on their own. To editorialize with my own thoughts: Stage 5 individuals essentially create their own religion. They may borrow scaffolding from their previous faith tradition, but more or less attach whatever new meaning they personally feel to their old ways, or create new ones altogether.
Again, the idea was to just lay out that there could be "Mormons" in any of these stages. Though, I'm sure most would agree that the vast majority of active members would be characterized as stage 3. To support the teaching our secretary used *GASP* uncorrelated materials like the New York Times, alternative translations of the Old Testament, a few essays from Letters To a Young Mormon and a few others.
After the lesson we did a sampling of the members of the quorum to gather feedback. Responses ranged from "This was the best elders quorum of my entire life in the church" to "...the plain and simple Gospel Truths aren't good enough for you and your intellectualism?" It was a mixed bag. But I sure had fun. In the end, we decided to discontinue the series after one lesson. Not because we thought we'd failed, but because we listened to our members and wanted to meet their needs. We did learn something useful though - our elders came to quorum to be uplifted, to be around guys they liked, and to recharge for the week. We went back to the drawing board and came up with a new idea for our next lesson:
A "testimony" meeting!
We decided to hand pick members of the quorum from the whole spectrum of faith. We tapped them ahead of time and encouraged them to be really honest in answering the following questions: What role does Christ play in your life? What are the benefits of being a Mormon? and lastly, why are you a Mormon? There were 5 of us who shared - 2 with traditional, rock solid testimonies, 1 more or less in-betweener, and 2 (including myself) who were complete non-believers.
For the two "traditional" fellows - everything went smooth as custard. I was next. I skirted the Christ question completely, and opted for a little back story on how I got to where I'm at. I answered the next questions as honestly as I could. Maybe I'll write more about that later. The next guy told how his testimony has changed a lot since he grew up, how learning to think like a scientist made him confront things he saw as incongruities in gospel doctrine. In the end, while admitting that he wasn't as "strong" as he used to be, he felt it was important to make a conscious decision to believe. I respect that so much. I was sitting next to him during the meeting and I just wanted to grab the guy and give him a big hug (I hugged him afterward). The last one was a guy who admitted that when people outside of church ask him if he's mormon he says "no", and that his primary reasons for attending church are: Free 2 hours of babysitting, he likes the guys in the quorum, and he's seen how women treat other women whose husbands are inactive - and he doesn't want that happening to his wife. Jaws were on. the. floor.
Now, I don't want to give you all the idea that I'm a hardcore advocate of "big tent mormonism" - especially with what's in the next few paragraphs (spoiler alert, the meeting was a huge success). I still think a perfectly reasonable solution to a faith crisis is to straight up leave, and that perhaps instead of making the tent bigger we should make exit less painful. With that being said......
IT WENT SOOOOOOOO AWESOME! After the meeting everyone was staying late to chat about things they'd heard, to thank people for being so brave and sharing their true feelings, asking questions about specific things, sharing appreciation. It was the best. Everyone was standing around talking to people they'd never talked to. Wives were coming up with screaming kids saying it was time to leave. It was like the universe had flipped over.
One thing that came out from those who didn't have "traditional" testimonies in the after-quorum-hubbub was a deep appreciation for those who are able to have faith. I had nothing but respect for all the men who dedicate their entire lives to this - they're ballers. From the faithful, it was a deep appreciation for the sincerity that the unbelievers had. I had people express to myself and free-babysitting-guy that it must have been terrible to lose faith, and that it's admirable to do what you think is right in order to keep personal integrity. I had others quietly pull me aside and say "Thanks so much. I feel the same way and never knew there was anyone else like me." We all came away from the meeting understanding each other more fully, and it brought the quorum closer together. We were curious about each other, and we didn't seem to judge. We sang Kumbaya and burned incense and everything. I think I saw one guy with a sitar.
What did we all learn from this little adventure? That there exists a vibrant diversity of faith everywhere we go, even within our own congregations. Stifling and silencing this diversity means we're missing out on a big opportunity to developed bonds with one another. Think about it, how can you not respect a guy who gives up 3 hours of his only day off and miss the Seahawks game to be with his wife and support her, at a place that he really would rather not be? What's more "mormon" than putting your family first like that? How can you not respect a guy who has devoted his life to a religion and let that guide his desire for self improvement and compassion? Being a "Mormon" means waaaaay more than most of us think, and until we let that diversity blossom we're forfeiting a chance to truly know - and admire - one another in meaningful ways.
So, for those who call this little tent their home, recognize that it may already be a lot bigger than you think.
One more quick note. Feel free to share this blog with anyone you want. Most people that are close to me know about my little situation, and I'm not worried about people finding out anymore. The toothpaste is out of the tube, and there ain't no putting it back in! Love you all!
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